Comparison Shopping:
People love to watch other people. We even refer to some places as "good people-watching spots". There is the newer phenomena of reality shows and social networking sites. Who's better than who? Who's getting voted off? What has so-and-so set as their status today? It has always been and continues to be a multi-cultural pastime. We are social animals and love to be in touch and interact. Yet as we watch each other the undercurrent action can be comparison.
A few weeks ago my aunt was asking about my life out here in California. She wondered when I was going to settle down and have a family because I'm 'not getting any younger..' ouch! When I told her I was pretty happy with my present life, she provided her opinion that I was 'still living like a 20 year-old'. At first I shrugged it off, but after a while those words still hung in the air like damp socks. Wow, maybe I was still living like a 20 year-old...compared to my cousins back east who are all married with a couple of kids, mortgages, 9-5 salaried jobs..one even has a pension!
My mind raced around itself panicking that even though I have been in a committed relationship with my beau for 3 years now, I wasn't 'married', even though I'm "Fairy Godmother" to his now 5 year-old daughter, I'm not a mommy, even though we rent a great house in one of the most beautiful areas of Marin County, we don't pay a mortgage, and even though I've created a career of helping others and doing what I absolutely love, I don't have an employer-matched 401K. GASP! What was I doing with my life?! In just a few short hours of hearing her words I second-guessed the past 7 years of my life and began sending out resumes, researching schools, I need a salaried career..STAT! I'll dump my beau and his daughter and put myself back on the market as future wife and Mom. And I'll move back east to a town with half the standard of living...and no views so I can buy a home..PRONTO!
But wait..I love what I do. I make a great living which provides me with everything I need. I love where we live, seeing deer in our yard and being able to hike out our front door. I love my beau dearly and the opportunity to help raise a bright little girl (I even helped potty train her when she was two). And so I relaxed the panic button. My aunt, God love her, has a different east-coast, yankee, bordering on puritanical perspective. She's never moved across the country to live in a new place, she's never been self-employed, she's never been self-employed in one of the most expensive places to live, and since she was happily married by 20 years old, she never experienced the madness of dating as a woman in her late 30s...enough said about that one!
Even though more people are waiting till later to marry and have children, more people are exploring their passions in life and aligning them with a career-path, and more people are opting for single-sized living, we tend to compare ourselves to the box of societal (some would even argue as antiquated) norms. We make the American Dream a standard of how we should be living our lives instead of enjoying the life we're living. We fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to everyone else instead of looking within. And many times when we finally 'have it all' we wonder why we're still longing for something else.
The best thing we can do whether we're 20, 40 or even 70 is to know who we are, enjoy where we are and appreciate what we are doing with our lives. I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson: To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
A few weeks ago my aunt was asking about my life out here in California. She wondered when I was going to settle down and have a family because I'm 'not getting any younger..' ouch! When I told her I was pretty happy with my present life, she provided her opinion that I was 'still living like a 20 year-old'. At first I shrugged it off, but after a while those words still hung in the air like damp socks. Wow, maybe I was still living like a 20 year-old...compared to my cousins back east who are all married with a couple of kids, mortgages, 9-5 salaried jobs..one even has a pension!
My mind raced around itself panicking that even though I have been in a committed relationship with my beau for 3 years now, I wasn't 'married', even though I'm "Fairy Godmother" to his now 5 year-old daughter, I'm not a mommy, even though we rent a great house in one of the most beautiful areas of Marin County, we don't pay a mortgage, and even though I've created a career of helping others and doing what I absolutely love, I don't have an employer-matched 401K. GASP! What was I doing with my life?! In just a few short hours of hearing her words I second-guessed the past 7 years of my life and began sending out resumes, researching schools, I need a salaried career..STAT! I'll dump my beau and his daughter and put myself back on the market as future wife and Mom. And I'll move back east to a town with half the standard of living...and no views so I can buy a home..PRONTO!
But wait..I love what I do. I make a great living which provides me with everything I need. I love where we live, seeing deer in our yard and being able to hike out our front door. I love my beau dearly and the opportunity to help raise a bright little girl (I even helped potty train her when she was two). And so I relaxed the panic button. My aunt, God love her, has a different east-coast, yankee, bordering on puritanical perspective. She's never moved across the country to live in a new place, she's never been self-employed, she's never been self-employed in one of the most expensive places to live, and since she was happily married by 20 years old, she never experienced the madness of dating as a woman in her late 30s...enough said about that one!
Even though more people are waiting till later to marry and have children, more people are exploring their passions in life and aligning them with a career-path, and more people are opting for single-sized living, we tend to compare ourselves to the box of societal (some would even argue as antiquated) norms. We make the American Dream a standard of how we should be living our lives instead of enjoying the life we're living. We fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to everyone else instead of looking within. And many times when we finally 'have it all' we wonder why we're still longing for something else.
The best thing we can do whether we're 20, 40 or even 70 is to know who we are, enjoy where we are and appreciate what we are doing with our lives. I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson: To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
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